Backpacking through Alaska

 

This past weekend we got back from a 3 day backpacking trip through Crow Pass. What is Crow Pass you ask? A 25 mile trek that takes you from Girdwood, through the Chugach Range to Eagle River Nature Center.

This was my first backpacking trip ever. Like ever. I have been hiking this summer rather regularly but had never gone more than 6 miles in a day and for sure with no more than 1 lb or 2 of water in my daypack.

 So I started this journey with 25 lbs on my back. Seemed light compared to Bob's 45 lbs, or so I thought at the beginning. Bradley carried 22 lbs and Ethan a measly 7 lbs.

 

There was 11 of us total including Boaz with his cute little backpack. It was a great group to go with!

 

 

 We started out around noon on Thursday in Girdwood and made our way up a very intense 5 miles of elevation gain. I had been told this would be the hardest part of the trip. While is was very hard, other parts were harder for me.

 

 

So as we past Raven's glacier, which was breathtaking, we started to descend and the terrain got somewhat dicey. My tired ankles and feet did not like the loose bolder fields. And I managed to slip and fall a few times.

 

 

 

And now to get to my top most terrifying part of the trip. So we came to a couple of vertical snow fields that we had to cross. And mind you I was wearing tennis shoes. The first crossing was slow but ok. I made it across and didn't think much of it. Then we came to a second snow field crossing. This one was on a much steeper incline of the mountain and at the bottom, if you happened to fall or slide all the way down, was jagged rocks. So I am second to last to cross of our 10 person group. I start to cross and slip right away. I dig my hands in the snow and stand back up. I take 10 more steps in probably what seemed like 10 minutes and realize I don't think I can do this. I slip again. I stay clinging to the snow and my hands are freezing and butt is freezing and my legs shaking. I am probably a 1/3 of the way across. Bob is patiently waiting behind me having little to no difficulty with the snow bank but not in a position where he can help me and everyone else seems to be across. So Pastor Rod ends up coming back and gets me across but not without me slipping and sliding a few more times. It was terrifying!

 

 

 

We then hike for a couple more miles and set up camp in a beautiful location. And for entertainment that night we have a black bear up the side of the mountain eating berries. Very fun to watch (at a distance).

The next day felt as if I was in the movie hunger games. It was a 7 mile hike day. It started off fine. And then we got to the plants that were as tall as some of our shoulders. And preceded to hike through them for 3 or more miles. These plants consisted of Devils Club, Nettles (ouch), and Cow Parsnip (double ouch). But aside from that it was a beautiful part of our hike.

 

And then we got to the forest looking area thinking sweet we are out of the tall stinging plants and to find it was attack of biting flies through the forest. No kidding. Millions of flies for miles of hiking. You could not stop. If you did they attacked you even worse.

 

The next part was to ford the river. Dun Dun Duuuun! We had to chain link our arms together to cross a 100 ft across river that was water from the glacier. Coldest water I have ever been in. We could actually see the glacier it was coming from. Our feet went numb halfway across. But we made it.

 

We ended up camping at a one of the most beautiful places I have ever camped. And we had so much fun sitting around the campfire and just enjoyed the beautiful views and each other. The pictures do not do it justice.

 

 

The third day was our final day and we needed to hike 12 miles to finish our trip. The first six miles were sort of an obstacle coarse with ladders, bridges, ropes and so forth. The last 3 miles seemed to go on forever but our ending time was 5 hours to hike 12 miles which I was proud of. My legs were sore, my feet were sore, my hips were sore, my shoulders were sore but it was still the most beautiful hike I have ever been on.

 

To sum it up the highlights were having tons of fun with our group, I was truly blessed to get to know everyone at a deeper level, spending quality time with my husband and kids, getting to see several waterfalls, glaciers, hiking through wildflowers and plants taller than us at times, walking across streams, scary vertical snow crossings (not necessarily a highlight but a sense of accomplishment for getting across and not falling all the way down), dangerous glacier ford river crossing, sprinkled with a few bears and a moose.

All in all this was an amazing backpacking trip that I would love to do again (not this year). My two boys were rock stars! They did amazing! I loved having no phone and just being unplugged.

 

 

 

 

In the middle of my uncomfortable

As I sit here pondering this past year I find myself thinking how "Uncomfortable" the year has been. By moving to Alaska I jumped right out of my "comfortable box." With two feet, eyes opened wide. I was ready, or so I thought.

My journal entry on June 20th 2012 "If you are really going to be committed to God, you might have to be a few places that aren't that comfortable for you." Really? I wrote that? Last June? Yep...I did. Hmmmm.... if I had only known how true this would come to be.

So what are some of the uncomfortable things I have been through this past year? One would think moving to Alaska would be the top one. But really moving to Alaska didn't feel uncomfortable. It felt right. It felt peaceful. But notice I said "moving here" didn't feel uncomfortable. Once we were planted here the uncomfortable started. 

Joining celebrate recovery was uncomfortable. Showing up the first time not knowing what the meaning of "codependent" was uncomfortable. And I was filled with fear. Fear of the unknown. Which is so weird because I didn't have fear of moving 2500+ miles away from the place we had called home for the past 10 years. The funny thing is I showed up to a meeting for codependents because someone I barely knew from church told me that I should go to this meeting. Little did I know me showing up was a codependent thing to do. *sigh* Can we say people pleaser? And the next six months would bring lots of uncomfortable to my life. Going through everything and getting out of denial was hard. I wanted to quit lots of times. This was so out of my box.

Another thing was I was asked to be in our Christmas Eve service play. My first thought was "why are they asking me? I am so not good enough for this." But I found that the more I thought about this the more I really wanted to do this. It sounded fun. So I said yes. Little did I know it would be so uncomfortable and hard. Over the next 2 months I would daily vacillate between thinking I can do this it's going to be great to, what am I doing? Why did I say yes? I can't do this. The day of the play I was so sick to my stomach. I wanted to quit before it started so badly. But that day about 15 minutes before I had to be on stage I finally came to the end of myself and turned it all over to God. I realized that this truly wasn't about me it was about the birth of Jesus and telling that story through the play. And the play went great. I didn't mess up. I got out of my box.

A few weeks ago I was asked to do a June announcements video for our church. Now this didn't sound hard. How hard can it be to read from a teleprompter and announce the events that will be happening at church. Apparently so hard that it took me 3 hours to get it right. I never realized how fast I talk until I was told over... and over... and over.... to slow down. I found out that I have two ways of doing it...very animated and fast or so slow that I would be so in my head that I didn't use much emotion. Needless to say this was VERY uncomfortable for me and again halfway through I wanted to quit. I finally got to the end of Hillary and cried out to God for help (in my head of course, I didn't want to scare the camera guy Ross) So long story short, I made it though but it was soooo out of my box.

And finally my last example is, a week ago I hiked Mt. Baldy with Bob and our boys. While they practically ran up the hill I found myself feeling like I was going to die. Seriously. It's not a long hike but its up the side of the mountain all the way to the top. And it was muddy. And still had snow on parts of it. I am not going to be able to express to you enough how hard it was for me. I wanted to quit so bad. But two thoughts kept going through my head. One, the boys saw how extremely difficult it was for me and I didn't want to show them it's okay to quit. Two, my pride was on the line and I wanted to say I made it to the top. So...drumroll please..... I did make it to the top. Bob was so patient with me. I stopped so many times and sat in the mud that I lost count. I stopped caring at one point how muddy I was and that my behind looked like I had a very bad accident and just trudged though it. This was so out of my box.

Sometimes we have to do things that are uncomfortable, in order to get to where we need to be.

I realize that sometimes God calls me to do things I don't want to do, or things that I feel will make me look like a fool, or my pride will suffer. But in order for me to be in God's will I will have to do the uncomfortable thing at times.  Does it hurt? At times yes. Will I look like a fool? Probably. But it seems like there are so many times in life where I find that I am not where I should be or could be because I wasn't willing to do that uncomfortable thing God asked me to do a while ago. I am not sure when I decided following God's plan for my life = a comfortable life. In all these hard moments I exposed myself. I allowed myself to be vulnerable. And I learned to trust, to rely not on myself, but on God.

I have had to step the farthest out of my comfort zone this past year, but I can honestly say these are the times in which I’ve grown the most and grown closer to God in the process.

Next great baker????

 

So this past Saturday our church had a Cake decorating class. I just helped out at it and did not make a cake but I was inspired none the less. So today I set out to make a cake. I really thought it would be a piece of cake ;)....I watched the "Pro" in action and she made it look really easy to do. And all the ladies who attended the event made really great looking cakes. So I thought to myself "how hard can it be?"

 

I went to Michaels and bought the supplies that I thought I would need.

I baked my 8 inch round cakes and put them in the freezer like she said.

Here is were the problem began. I learned today the wax paper and parchment paper are not the same thing. I made quite a few of these and every time the bag ripped and icing went everywhere.

But I refused to give up. This one is made out of parchment paper. WAaaLAaa! (Is that even a word? Nope but it works for me)

My cake...So the ugly truth is. My "Homemade frosting did not taste good....blah! So I ended up cheating a using store bought icing and just scooped it out of the jar and stuffed it in my icing bag. My kids will thank me later. Or not.

Time to clean up.

Why Hello there!

Yes I know it's been a while. You see, when things get hard I have been known to isolate myself. Shut myself off from the world until the problem passes. Which is exactly what I have done these pasts months. I have had nothing I really wanted to write about. Plenty went on but the thought of penning any of it made me shudder.

But its time to get real. Because while its been a hard few months, I can see purpose in what I have been going through.

The messy truth is...I have joined celebrate recovery at my church. Not for the known reasons allot of people join but for the simple truth of a word called "codependent." You see when you stop going at a speed of "crazy busy" and you suddenly get halted by say moving to Alaska you find yourself surrounded by allot of quietness. And for me God used this time to take off the scales from my eyes. I had been lying to myself regarding being truly free as God desires for me to be. 

Different area's of my life I had been living in bondage all while telling myself I am free. Bondage to insecurity, people pleasing, wanting life to be perfect, not wanting to speak up for my beliefs for fear of rejection, not being good enough. A little more of what "Codependency" looks like for me is... I grew up with an alcoholic father, there was drug abuse in our home and physical, emotional and verbal abuse and a few more of the characteristics that I have been able identify with so far are, perfectionism, withdrawal, being unable to say "no," self-condemnation, intense hurt, anger and guilt and shame.

And you know what? I am realizing through going through celebrate recovery that I truly desire to just be me. I don't have life figured out. And I never will. I realize I am NOT God. I will never be perfect. I will do dumb things. Say dumb things. make dumb mistakes. It's okay. As a friend has told me I just need to keep my side of the street clean. But if its get dirty make amends and move on. I also will do great things, say great things, make good decisions. I have to except me just as God does. I am learning to place boundaries in my life. Its not easy. Sometimes I am at a loss at what the boundary should be. I am learning to say "so long" to my insecurities, I am learning I am good enough.  The short of it is, I am a work in progress, striving to be Christ-like but realizing I am not Christ.

Here are lyrics to a song by Francesca Battistelli and the song is titled "Free to be me." And I find myself singing this at the top of my lungs today!

At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see

‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

And you’re free to be you
Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
even though

I've got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me