FEAR AKA "False Evidence Appearing Real", Panic Attacks & Anxiety

Panic attacks, anxiety and FEAR. These have become my companions since last December. A few days into December of last year I woke up from sleeping soundly to having a full on panic attack around 2am. I have struggled with small heart racing panic attacks since I was a child and have always just concentrated on my breathing and they usually went away anywhere from 10 seconds to maybe a minute. This one was different. My heart was racing like I had just been running for my life. I do not remember the dream or why I suddenly woke up like this. All I know is it just kept getting worse and worse. I went to our bathroom and laid down on the floor trying to concentrate on my breathing. I could not get it under control. I started calling out for Bob, trying not to startle him out of his sleep, but enough to wake him up. At this point I was afraid I was having a heart attack and seriously going to die. I know that sounds dramatic, but that's where I was at. Bob came in and laid down next to me and started praying over me. This lasted about 20 minutes. The worst part was I felt trapped in my own mind. And death and having a heart attack just kept playing over and over in my mind and I could not escape it. After a total of around a half an hour my heart rate slowed and went back to normal. Thus began my fear of sleep, panic attacks and having anxiety regarding it. For the past 6 months I have been afraid to be alone in my own head at times.

I write about this today because I have had a breakthrough. And I have found that allot of people struggle with this. It had been shocking to me that this happens more than I ever knew. While I am thankful to not be alone, it has brought on such a compassion that anyone goes through this. Once I found out that some close friends struggled with it, it did take some of the fear away. So bringing it into the light has helped.

My breakthrough starts with church this past weekend. At the end of service a guest pastor did a salvation call to the altar. Then he said something along the lines of maybe God is calling you forward for something else, search you heart to what God is saying. And as I was searching my heart I felt like I needed to go up and lay down my fear and anxiety. But then doubt came and uncertainty came. Then I looked at the words on the screen regarding the song we were singing and the word fear was staring back at me. I knew right then I needed to go forward. So I did. I knelt down and poured my heart out to God. I repeated the verse "For God has NOT given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" 2 Timothy 1:7. I asked for forgiveness because I know worry is a sin. When it was done I knew I had left everything at the altar.

Fast forward to the next night. I went to sleep. I woke up somewhere in the middle of the night to the feeling of fear that I might have a panic attack. But immediately I quoted scripture out loud and clung to my faith that God was with me and what I had just experienced at the alter and prayed. And I fell back to sleep. Then the next morning I awoke and felt like I had been in a battle. And I felt God say, yes you have. But this time it was different, you picked up your sword of the spirit and shield of faith and fought. And at that moment Ephesians 6:14-18 ^"14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. ¹⁵ For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.¹⁶ In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.¹⁷ Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.¹⁸ Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.^"
came alive to me. Which is crazy because I pray this scripture over my boys every night.  But really hadn't made sure I was prepared for battle.

So then I started to think about each piece of battle armor God has given me.

I picked up my Sword of the spirit. Which is probably the only armor I have been using lately. While scripture is a powerful tool, God wouldn't give us the rest if it didn't go hand in hand.

The Shield of faith I believe I had set down. Not sure when. I had faith that God would meet me in the easy times but not in the hard times. I was believing lies. 1 John 5:4 "For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith."

Did I have my helmet of salvation on? Yes. I surrendered my life to God 10 years ago this summer. I am confident in my salvation. 1 Thessalonians 5:8 ^"But let us who live in the light be clearheaded, protected by the armor of faith and love, and wearing as our helmet the confidence of our salvation."

Did I have my breastplate of righteous on?
Well to me this means being right with God. And I believe that being obedient to God on Sunday was getting right with God. And maybe up until now I have been trying to get through these panic attacks trying to do it on my own. Which I guess would be self-righteousness. Yikes! I know I cannot achieve righteousness on my own and that righteousness is a gift from God. Philippians 3:9

^"and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in^[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith."

Moving on to the belt of truth. Putting on the belt of truth is putting on the word of God. To me its reading my Bible, going to church, listening to sermons online, listening to worship music. When I really took a honest look at it I wasn't happy with what I saw. So, I have my belt on but its loose and I need to tighten it up. The Bible is my foundation but I need and want to spend more time in it.

Then I went to shoes of peace. Fear and anxiety and worry has stolen my peace. But not any longer. And the last part of the battle armor is to pray in the spirit. Which is a very important part of the armor. I chose to believe Philippians 4:6-7 ^"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."


The last 3 nights I have had the best sleep that I have had in a very long time. But each night I have thought to myself "if the battle comes tonight, I am ready." Maybe this particular battle is over (I hope so) but I know others will come. I had a breakthrough but I know the battle rages on until we get to be with Jesus.  All I know is that I can say "I KNOW GOD....and not just know of God" because of the journey I am on and I will hold on to this in each and every battle and not give up in defeat. I have learned I have to "Put on" my armor everyday.